Confidence, Wellbeing, and Mental Health

As we mark International Mental Health Day, I felt compelled to write about how men, young and not so, are seeing an epidemic in self confidence, and mental health issues. It eats me up seeing young men behaving so badly, being so sad, driven by their internal self uncertainty, and of course reflecting this in a fight or flight induced negative reaction to normal life situations…particularly social. It eats me up that men are suiciding more than ever…and that it is almost entirely driven by technology, social media and screen time. We are in a never before seen period in humanity where we are only just beginning to understand the negative effects of a couple of decades or more of social media and screen usage….and it’s a little scary!! But we are brilliant creatures, and we can adapt when we know we need to…so it’s essential to reflect on the challenges many of us face in today’s fast-paced, digitally dominated world. 

One such challenge is the erosion of our mental well-being, a consequence often linked to the very technologies designed to connect us. For men in particular, the pressures of modern society can be uniquely stressful, and the concept of becoming a "gentleman" in the traditional sense – respectful, confident, and strong – must evolve to include mental fortitude and emotional resilience.

At this early point I’d like to encourage men, young and old to investigate and educate themselves via the very technology that could pull us apart. A great place to start would be this YouTube interview on Diary Of a CEO. https://youtu.be/P1ALkQMfkjc?si=sMNCtxQG3VaoLrkj

The Gentleman's Path to Positive Mental Health

In modern culture, the idea of a gentleman often conjures images of elegance, courtesy, and strength, which of course are all nice attributes to have. However, these outward traits stem from something deeper – an internal well-being that drives confidence, kindness, and purpose. Becoming a gentleman, in the fullest sense, is not just about how you present yourself outwardly; it absolutely critically begins with how you treat yourself internally!… Your mental wellbeing ! A gentleman prioritizes his mental and emotional health, understanding that these are the foundations of a fulfilled life.

Unfortunately, in today’s digital age, maintaining mental health is becoming an increasingly difficult task, and is evidenced in many recent studies. The constant use of technology – from scrolling through social media (nothing like 2 hours of Doom scrolling to mess with your mind, dumb you down, and imbalance your good chemicals), to spending long hours in front of screens – is taking its toll on our minds. Research shows that excessive screen time can severely impair our mental health, undermining our ability to engage in meaningful social interactions, which in turn erodes our self-confidence, which in turn spirals down to some very sad situations such as violence, depression, true anxiety and suicidal tendencies…a slippery slope we don’t even understand we’re sliding down! But hang in there, we are actually awesome creatures, and can turn things around!

The Detrimental Impact of Technology on Social Confidence

Human beings are naturally wired for connection. We are social creatures, and interacting with others is vital to our emotional and psychological well-being. But as we spend more time interacting with screens, we spend less time engaging in real-world, face-to-face communication. The rise of technology has led to a marked decline in essential social skills such as empathy, active listening, and even the simple ability to hold a conversation.

Studies have shown that excessive screen time is linked to increased levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. This is largely because of the way technology disrupts the production of vital mood-regulating hormones. For example, when we engage in social activities or physical exercise, our brains release endorphins – the "feel-good" hormones that reduce stress and boost mood. In contrast, prolonged periods of inactivity in front of screens can lead to an imbalance of these hormones, making us more susceptible to negative emotions and mental health issues.

Also, technology often leads to a sedentary lifestyle, which only compounds the problem. A lack of physical activity can reduce serotonin and dopamine levels – key chemicals that help regulate mood and prevent feelings of depression. As screen time increases, real-world interactions decrease, creating a vicious cycle that can lead to isolation, anxiety, and social avoidance.

The Gentleman's Approach to Mental and Emotional Well-Being

Breaking this cycle requires more than just reducing screen time. It involves taking deliberate steps to rebuild self-confidence and foster mental well-being from within. Psychology-based evidence suggests that building internal confidence is the key to projecting external assurance. When a man feels secure and at ease within himself, it naturally translates into how he carries himself in social environments….and it’s a wonderful feeling, believe me!

This journey begins with a shift in mindset. Rather than relying on external validation from social media or technology, we must prioritize internal growth and self-respect. This can be done through practices that nurture both physical and mental health.

1. Physical Fitness and Outdoor Activities
   Regular exercise is one of the most effective ways to boost mental health. Exercise releases endorphins, reduces stress, and improves sleep – all essential components of a healthy mind. Additionally, spending time outdoors, whether hiking, running, or simply walking, helps ground us in the present moment and reconnects us with the natural world. The simple act of getting outside can have a profound effect on mental clarity and mood.
2. Mindfulness and Breath Work
   Mental health isn't just about physical activity; it also involves taking care of our minds. Mindfulness practices such as meditation, breath work, or yoga can help reduce anxiety and improve focus. These practices teach us how to live in the present moment, quiet the mind, and gain control over negative thought patterns. In particular, breath work has been shown to activate the body’s parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and reduces stress.
3. Nutrition and Self-Care
   What we put into our bodies affects how we feel mentally. Eating a balanced diet rich in whole foods, vegetables, and healthy fats is key to maintaining mental clarity and mood stability. On top of that, self-care routines – such as daily grooming or skincare – are not just about physical appearance but are rituals that can help build a positive relationship with ourselves. Taking time to care for your skin, for example, fosters a sense of pride and confidence in your appearance, which in turn can improve how you feel in social situations.
4. Minimizing Technology Use
   Cutting down on screen time is crucial for rebalancing mental health. Establishing boundaries around technology use – for example, not checking your phone first thing in the morning or last thing at night – can reduce stress and anxiety. Additionally, setting time aside each day for “real-life” interactions, whether it’s grabbing coffee with a friend or simply talking to someone face-to-face, can help rebuild the social confidence that may have been eroded by excessive technology use.

Why Men Struggle to Seek Help – and How to Overcome It

One of the biggest challenges men face when it comes to mental health is acknowledging the problem. In many cultures, men are taught to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant, which can make it difficult to admit vulnerability or seek help. As a result, men may suffer in silence, not realizing that their anxiety or social discomfort is something they can address.

Psychologists note that the first step to overcoming mental health struggles is self-awareness. By recognizing the symptoms – such as anxiety in social situations, withdrawal from others, or constant stress – men can take proactive steps to seek help. Whether it’s talking to a friend, speaking to a therapist, or researching self-care strategies, early intervention is key to regaining control over mental health.

Becoming a Gentleman from Within

True confidence comes from an inner sense of well-being, and that starts with taking care of our mental health. Becoming a gentleman in today’s world requires us to go beyond the surface and cultivate a positive attitude toward ourselves, our bodies, and our minds. It’s about building resilience, seeking balance, and fostering meaningful connections with others.

By reducing screen time, taking time for self-care, engaging in physical activity, and prioritizing mental well-being, men can reclaim their confidence, improve their mental health, and become the best versions of themselves – true gentlemen, from the inside out.